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posted 4 years ago ·
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#I'm suicidal again does that even surprise anyone anymore #doesn't matter who I talk to or whatever they just say something that makes it worse #there's like two people maybe who don't make it worse #idk I don't wanna go to hospital again #bc they'll probably try and keep me in bc I was only in there on Monday #so it's like just under a week #like I almost relapsed last night I had everything out to do it but knocked myself out w vodka instead #my liver and kidneys are probably fucked #I'm a fuckin pathetic waste of oxygen and effort #and people say it'll get better and whatnot but it doesn't my ups don't last and they're not real happiness/not a real state of being okay #It's literally bc I'm fuckin bipolar and I still hate myself it's just a different kind of bad #and I don't wanna do it anymore I've fought for years and nothing ever gets better #and I can't keep fighting forever when it never gets better.