this actually means a lot holy shit.

and like. I keep disappearing, occasionally popping up at random intervals with radio silence in between. and I hate it. I absolutely hate it bc it’s like with fics and stuff it’s something I’ve always done that has suddenly fizzled.

in honesty, it’s real life getting to me. I’ve been absolutely awful with the bipolar side of things (a friend called cops when I was gonna overdose in September), and functioning at all really. I’ve been sober a total of two nights since October 11. Not that I’ve been hammered every single night but I haven’t been sober either because it’s just how I’ve started pretending to function maybe. There’s been a constant slew of drama and melodrama, fights and family issues and just.

the bullshit that is life.

even though I’d much rather be the A+ fic writer I was than the D- person I am, it just. went bad, just like any consistency I once had has gone astray.